Dear Mastin and TDL Readers,
I am a 23-year-old woman and only child. My parents went through a very acrimonious divorce from my junior year of high school until the end of my freshman year of college. During this time, both my parents used me as a confidante and sounding board for their issues with each other. I became very depressed and suicidal at the time; I also developed an eating disorder. Luckily, I have recovered from those things, but dealing with my parents? relationships (whether with each other or with other people) continues to be a major stress point for me.
My father has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with his girlfriend for almost five years. During their relationship (about two years ago), they chose to open a business together and moved to a brand new city to start that business. They were together 24/7 and this put a lot of stress on their romantic and business relationships. Again, my father turned to me as a confidante for all the issues he was having with her. I had really liked her and we got along well prior to this point, but many of the things my father told me caused me to become extremely upset and dislike her. I know that there are two sides to every story, but she rarely picked up the phone to call me and tell me her side. I am in graduate school full-time, I teach in an urban school full-time, and work a second retail job to make ends meet ? this leaves me little time to connect with those around me, let alone those who are far away and with whom I have a strained relationship. This led to a host of problems between us, the most important of which is that she believes that I hate her. While I wouldn?t say that I hate her, I do hold a strong and deep animosity towards her for the strife through which she put my father during the course of the last two years. I believe that she was emotionally manipulative and bordered on psychologically abusive towards him (I am a trained domestic violence crisis counselor and expressed as much to him, but he did not listen).
Recently, they closed their business and moved back to our hometown where they are surrounded by friends and family. They decided to live separately and reevaluate their relationship. Tonight, my father called me to tell me that they have decided to stay together. He said that they have chosen to leave the past in the past and move forward. He asked me if I could develop a relationship again with her. However, Mastin & TDL, here is where the big issue comes up: I am still angry at her for everything she put my father through. I am loyal to a fault, and once someone crosses me or someone I love, I have no interest in having them in my life. I am terrified that my feelings regarding her will destroy my relationship with my father. He does not understand how all the horrible things he told me about could have led to me disliking her this much. He asked me to let bygones be bygones. How can I do this? I am usually good about forgiving, but I am worried that she will put my dad through a whole ?nother round of hell if he stays with her. I need help to leave the past behind, if that?s even the right thing to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
A TDL Reader
Source: http://thedailylove.com/daily-share-need-help-to-leave-the-past-behind/
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